RANT

Swiss Cheese

This is a huge conspiracy, please don't buy any swiss cheese. They steal your holes, I mean seriously think about it. You might say, "Dave you freakin loony, I pay for cheese by weight, so who cares about the holes??" ah but my friend what about the sub shops, where you only get it by the slice? You see, that's where they get you!

In line at the BBQ

I hate when there's a long line at a bbq or similar function and the cause of the line is some bottle neck point towards the end, probably one bottle of ketchup or something, but some genius decides to start handing plates and trays backwards to people. I think to myself, great, now I get to keep waiting in line and hold this plate.

Plan to Rule the World

1.Get one dog
2.Train dog to train other dogs
3.Secure world supply of dog food
4.Dogs will come to me
5.Have dogs build giant robot dog
6.Break everything like a pretzel falling off a table

Coke & Pepsi

Coke and Pepsi are the same. Some people may disagree but I have the proof: Take one can of each and put the both in water and they float. Notice how a duck can also float. However, ducks can also fly, as can a spaceship. Now take a duck in a spaceship and give it some coke or pepsi. Either way if it leaves the ship without a ducksuit it'll explode. So you see in each case how the results are the same. Please, don't let your ducks out of the airlock with coke or pepsi.