Artwork

While I have not done a lot of work in the field of art, I have done some pencil drawings which I've become attached to. A man should have many talents, and I like to try a bit of everything. These were made back in 1995 when I was only about 15 years old, so they're not the best, but I've been debating getting back into drawing. It's a hobby that really relaxes me.
Stream Picture 1
 		Stream Picture 2
Cheerleader 1
 		Cheerleader 2
Swashbuckler
 		Spearman
Wall

Poetry

I've written ever since my freshman year in highschool. It started off mainly as short poems with no rhyme scheme, but developed into rhymed verses, and then into short stories. I have written a vast amount of material and to try to include it all on this webpage would be a task in itself. Instead, I have included some of my better works which I think show all the types of writing I have done.
Untitled (Darkness)

Untitled (Clouds)

Darkness

The Moon

Untitled (Swimming)

Destined Love

Loser

Untitled (Judgement)

Looking at My Sun

Now (Something Pure and True)

A Final Chapter

A Darker Shade

Untitled (Still)

The Good Life

Untitled (Illusions)

Untitled (Delusions)

Untitled (War)

Untitled (False Path)


Untitled

 Darkness
It surrounds you
Enveloping, Smothering
Behind
More darkness
More defined but still darkness
You know what is there but you cannot truly see it
Ahead
The light
Wild and free and ever-changing
Full of hopes and joys and the promise of a better life
You want to reach it, you want to see it, you want to be part of it
But you cannot move, you cannot stray from your path and it advances ever so slowly
Around you
Some things defined some not
Ever-changing like the light but more definite and solid
You can grasp it, you can affect it, you can change it
Others around you work with the darkness
Kneading it like dough trying to shape it for their purposes
Others reach back for the deeper darkness
Looking to hide in it's shadows
Oblivious to the swirling motion around them
Wanting only the security of the deeper darkness
Still others stay still
Waiting for the encroaching light
Wanting to bask in it's splendor, take it in, enjoy it, love it, live it, breathe it
Only a few realize that to enjoy the light you must first learn to shape the darkness
Darkness

Untitled

 A huge cloud mass
Encroaching upon the stars and moon
Enveloping their celestial light
Preventing us from seeing what we wish
The truth
We cannot prevent it's coming
But try to see through it's thickness

Darkness

 My haven
A solace from my fears and worries
Not evil, just concealment
For no evil approaches me within
That would be too dangerous
The darkness lets me see the truth
Able to come forth unhindered by appearance
It shows me all
Whether I want it or not

The Moon

 Hung above the shadows
Creating them yet taking away from their splendor
Glowing, or is it glowering, at the earth
So bright but all around is dark
And even it's light is not it's own
Borrowed from a distant source
A thing of beauty while so dismal around
Stay still in the sky while moving so quickly
It's coming symbolizes an end
Yet it is just the beginning

Untitled

 We travel in circles
Doing the unwanted only to repeat
Doomed or destined, two in the same
It is only a few
Who are willing
To break the pattern
And try to swim upstream
Only to be opposed by the current

Destined Love

 Look into the future
See what you are, see what you will
For prophesies are false
And destiny will kill

Await it in the present
For time it needs to pass
But ready for the future
This love will always last

Time is just a beacon
Time, it may stand still
Follow other hopes and dreams
But only if you will

For time goes on forever
But your time on earth is short
Abandon what you wish
But this dream, do not abort

The future is upon us
The future it is now
Follow only love
You need not know how

For the one true worldly pleasure
In life it surely seems
Is love, true love, and this, in fact
Seems more like a dream

The time it is upon you
Your moment it is now
Remember all you have learned
And make your mother proud

And when the world falls round you
And all you know is dead
The key to getting out
Is in your heart and not your head

Loser

 They don't make a song for the loser
Or write a poem for the unknown

This goes out to all of them
For the defeated who cried alone

Who's to say the right were right
Or the wrong were wrong

For those who passed with stories untold
For you I write this song

For those who's hearts will always ache
Of the deeds they left undone

For those who sacrificed for the win
Although they never won

For the old men who lay in bed
Wishing they had done more

For the old women who used to think
They had so much in store

It is for you I write this
For your poor wandering souls

Who tried their best despite the rest
But still time took it's tolls

Untitled

 Sitting outside the gate waiting to be judged
I thought of all the evil I had done in my life
A hefty amount
I wondered if the good I had done would be enough to repent
In the end, He would be the final judge
It was my turn
I walked up to the gate
He stood before me
Not as awing as I had pictured
"Do you deserve to enter?" He asked
His swirling gray eyes staring deeply into mine
I was stunned
Finally I answered, not breaking His gaze
"Yes." I said
"Then you may enter." He replied

Looking at My Sun

 I stare into her embrace
Be kept in loving grip
When this falls in disgrace
My heart, the engine, will rip

I long for my sun every day
Her love not live without
I conceive her beauty way
And without the engine shout

The language I speak is no rhyme
I need not to the light
In the end to sublime
I go with her no fight

Now (Something Pure and True)

 Now it hits
That which has been lacking
That which I had all but forgotten
Now it strikes
No warning
Tearing my mind apart
Now it wracks my brain
Pleasurably
Beliefs thrown away
Now I would do anything
For you
Lie, beg, steal, die
Now I love
I see you
And know no other

A Final Chapter

 I see a force that guides my life and leads me along this path
And I walk forward with a steady pace, my eyes not glancing back

Other souls that were close to me I know now will drift away
But memory will serve me well to bring them back someday

It is true I love this place and it's voices still so clear
And that love will never stop even if I'm not so near

I leave these halls with memories, something no one can sell
And no regrets, for I am happy, I bid you all farewell

A Darker Shade

 What could you possibly know about love that I don't
Having everything handed to you on a silver platter
While I, waiting, suffered endured and agonized
And to what end? To what end? What did this torture bring me?
Nothing. Nothing but an empty heart and a full head
I know more of love through my pain than you ever will through your joy
I know the hurt it causes, the stabbing pain in your chest
I know, I know, I know true love in a way you never will
I wish. I wish you could see the view, see what I perceive
But you have it, you have your white. And me? Me, I'll keep my grey

Untitled

 You lead me on
But I still followed you
Your heart started to feel
And I still cared for you
Your soul became scared
But I still did not fear you
You turned away
But I still faced you
You looked around
But I still looked at you
You saw another
But I saw only you
Your heart moved away
But my heart still longed for you
You started to hate me
But I still love you

The Good Life

 Well, you will eventually become a man. Which is to say you will put aside your imagination and creativity and swallow reality. You will no longer need to be taught morals, as you will have no use for them in the real world. You will learn of business and politics, fancy words for lying. Each year you will make resolutions. When you abandon them you will lie to yourself, thus showing you are a good person and securing yourself a place in heaven through a fallacy.

Your life will be a triumph of empty successes; each of which will boost your already inflated ego. You will excel in a job you hate. One day you will find somebody who you can tolerate and profess your love to them because they’re rich or good in bed or because your friends are starting to wonder why you’re not married. After growing sick of her, you will spend the rest of your days arguing over trivial matters and hoping that your offspring will have a better life.

In the end you will die a complete man from some form of cancer which will not permit a quick, peaceful death. Your funeral will be a grand procession in which all your family and friends talk about how you lived “the good life,” as they eat and drink and discuss how good some people look in black. They will go home content because now they can cope with your death and be socially accepted.

Your children could have been different but now they want to follow in your footsteps or hate you so much that they never really learn anything. This, over all my son, is man’s ideal.

Untitled

 It’s amazing how what we’re seen as can change who we are. Sometimes a deception we create can take control of us. Illusions can become truths. We are victims to society’s reality.

Society had labeled her a “slut” because of some ancient joke, because she was flirtatious, and because it was amusing for how far removed it was from the truth. She was, in fact, a virgin, and we were blind to the reality we were creating for her.

She had become a good friend of mine and more. The ties between us were beyond those of love. They were ties of the soul. She was a piece of me that I had yet to discover. Her character amazed me.

She was a multi-faceted jewel. She was intelligent, book smart, and caring. She was an advisor and a listener. She had a love for people. She was an example to me. She was beautiful.

She was a leader and a role model. She wanted to be a teacher and I knew why. She wanted others to see good as she saw it, to observe that goodness in their lives and not just hold it in their thoughts. She wanted to help and nurture other’s hearts, not their minds.

I think she saw her in me. That she found some hidden part of myself that I had not seen, not yet discovered in the process of maturing. A part of me that had the potential to shine like a beacon if only the shutters were opened.

I still feel I failed her, that I let her down somehow. For as I idolized her, I think she saw me as her hope, as someone capable of learning from her. We held each other to resist the current of society. But my grasp broke, ironically, because of the love I felt for her. I fell from my pedestal and it was, perhaps, her disillusionment with me that started her fall.

Slowly she turned, so slowly that even I can see it only in retrospect. She distanced herself from me because she couldn’t stand to see what had strengthened her before. She became what she wasn’t, she became an image of herself, a ghost of other’s perceptions.

I couldn’t let her dream die, her beauty fade away. She wanted to be a teacher, and she taught me everything of who she was. She wanted to lead and led me to find myself. She wanted others to believe as she did and inspired that hope in me.

I carry her with me not in who she is, not in who she will be. I carry her with me in who she was. I feel I stole this from her, that by trying to live up to her expectations I somehow reached into her and took her soul. I feel I consumed her.

I saw her as something more than human. I saw her as a worldly angel. I saw her as all I wanted to become. I now see her beauty as being fragile and delicate.

It’s amazing how what we’re seen as can change who we are. Sometimes a deception we create can take control of us. Illusions can become truths. Some are victims to society’s reality.

Untitled

 I know what you would say to me
And what I would believe
I know it in my mind and heart
I hear it, "do not leave."

But my mind speaks only logic to me
My heart echoes of the past
The future cannot blind itself
The die's already cast.

I wish that things had turned out right
I'll wish it to the end
These wishes are but folly for fools
This cut they cannot mend

To live within this fantasy
Deludes myself and you
So now I chose to run away
In search of something true

There was a time it would have worked
When things were less unclear
But then is then, and now is now
And I cannot hold you dear.

Untitled

 Another day, another night
A constant struggle against this blight
Who will win, who will fight
We take the day, but lose the light

On we go until we die
On the earth we all shall lie
Our small prints vanishing with the tide
The truth does make our spirits sigh

Against this we must rage
More the warrior than the sage
To fight our destiny and our age
An impossible war we must wage

On we go, struggling through
But look up, the day is new!
All the grass is kissed by dew
And our fate we shall subdue

Marching on, a glorious sight
Until we reach our highest height
Now we show our strength, our might
We take what’s wrong and set it right

We rage on, come what may
Time affords us no delay
The end shall come, the glorious day
But only God can know the way

Untitled

 What plans that you have laid for me, what glory lays ahead
What fury that you vent on me when I choose my path instead

What would you have me do with me, what pattern do I match?
What kind of feeding parasite, to which host should I attach?

What would you have me give of myself to finally fit in?
How would you have me lose myself just so I can win?

I see a future clear to me, one you would subdue
I see a path now dear to me, one you cannot view

I see a way outside the norm, a way I see as best
I see a way that weighs favorably when weighed against the rest

I would not have you speak to me your venom poisons mind
I would walk forward by myself, leave it all behind

I do not care for the future now, a fabricated truth
I care for what I would make of it, for fantasies of youth

For when you be what you would have me be, as true as any lie
You do not choose to live your life, you choose merely not to die