What is this ClubVic of which you speak?
What about this Stereo ya got?
So I bet you got some stories to tell eh?
So what is the story behind your car anyhow?
So what is wrong with your car?
What kind of police modified engine you running?
So what exactly does 33 mean?
What is this ClubVic of which you speak?
Every car needs a name. I was going crazy looking for a name for my car. Because you just can't name it anything ya know. I mean, I know a guy who calls his car Pepe. That's ok for a Taurus, but a CrownVic? No way, a CrownVic needs a distinguished name. I can't name it after a girl, because it has more muscle than most girls I have ever met. Not that I am being sexist or anything, but come on, a big hunk of steel like that doesn't equate to women. So what do I call it? I thought of names for months, my friends had some sentiment to add, but somehow I don't think Donut Enforcer, or Rolling Trashcan works here. So over time I added a kickass stereo. So we are driving down America's Cup Boulevard this summer blasting Jock Jams (What, I like it) and this my friend Matt who was down for the weekend came up with a great name. "ClubVic" So every time anyone asks me where I am going tonight "I'm going to ClubVic!"
What about this Stereo ya got?
Ok, I admit it, my stereo is worth more than my car. So what? I like it loud. After I got my car I had a kickass stereo installed in it. I went down to Audio Concepts, a great car stereo and accessories store down on Connell Highway in Newport. I got a 6 speaker system. 4 full range, and 2 - 12 " sub-woofers. 2 amps, one 600-Watt Kicker to run the Subs, and one 300-Watt Prestige (Don't say it) for the other 4. I also have a nice Power Akoustic graphic equalizer thrown in for good measure. And it really is worth more than my car.
So I bet you got some stories to tell eh?
Well, the "You ever made love in the back seat of a cop car?" line hasn't worked yet, I will keep you posted though. But yeah, aside from that I have had some damn good times. One time we are riding down Newport's famed Thames street, pulled onto America's Cup and these guys pulled alongside my car. They pulled up real slow, and then all of a sudden one of them yelled in to us "Are you guys cops? We thought you were cops!!!" Try if you will to imagine an ex-state cop car shaking the ground as it passes. It really is an awe-inspiring sight. Actually, we got quite a few looks going down Thames this summer blasting Jock Jams, and the like.
So what is the story behind your car anyhow?
Well, most of the story is sealed in some vault somewhere, or in the cop who drove it's head. Someday I would like to meet him over a cup of coffee and hear the sordid tales. If you read this e-mail me! But here is the little bit that I know:
It's a 1991 Ford Crown Victoria Police Package. Bought from Dick Cranston's Ford by the Rhode Island State Police in 1990 with something like 20 miles on it. The car it seems was originally sanctioned as number 20, but was finally given the number 33 at some point. And that was the number when I received it in 1997. When I got it the car was in quite a bit of disarray. In the front of the car, the nose, it's broken. The piece is still there, but it is broken so that it will probably fall off eventually. I have to remember to duct tape that. When we finally got it up on the lift, I noticed some nice scratches to the underside of the car. Also, the hood for some reason was blown back, so that it is dented up on one side, where it looks as if it were welded down again. (Burnt actually) Since I bought it I have done about a million repairs, yet it still seems to find ways to fall apart on me.
So what is wrong with your car?
What's NOT wrong with my car? This in itself is a FAQ. But I will attempt to summarize here. Since I bought it I have become very friendly with my mechanic, and his family. B&C Auto as well, on Connell Highway. He has repeatedly told me to buy a new car, and to get rid of my Ford piece of trash. But going against his better judgement I have held on to this gem. I can't even recall what exactly has gone on that car. I don't even know where to begin. Well, as if God himself were telling me not to get this car, the day after I got it I went to get my friend at work to show him my new car, and the alternator seized up and broke the fan belt clear off. The tires I got with it were all worn out on the outsides, like it needed an alignment. At one point the Water pump froze up, almost burning it to a crisp. The valve covers needed to be replaced. The fuel tank leaked. The trunk never closed right. The alternator caused some more problems. I had to replace my battery, and a bushing on the sway bar. The starter went. As of right now the exhaust manifold is still cracked, and the oil pan is leaking like a sieve. But the really miraculous story?
I'm driving along the highway with Matt, bringing him back to Boston, and all of a sudden he was like "Hey, I think I saw some smoke over here." "Where?" "The battery!" "What?, SHIT!!!!" So my car goes crazy, I mean crazy, my stereo starts going wacked, and the car was hesitating on the highway. So we pull over, and it seems to subside, and I start driving again and the windshield washer comes flying out like a possessed garden hose, and the clock on the dash blows like a fourth of July firecracker. So I slow down again in the breakdown lane, and I pop the hood. Just as I grab on the windshield of the car to pull myself out, the wipers start to berserk on me as if they were keeping time for Metallica on speed. Then the car just dies.... But me and Matt had fun laughing at it, and taking pictures. Which you will see here on the page.
What kind of police modified engine you running?
It's a 5.8, 351 Ford Winchester, with Throttle Barrel injection (Don't ask) Police Interceptor, that will kick anyone's ass in a quarter mile.
Well simply put 33 is the number that my car was known as in the force. But then you get a little bit more confused when you start to put meaning into a number. For instance, if you take into consideration that 33 is a well known number associated with Rolling Rock Beer. Now some of my friends would make a joke here, something to the effect of how perfect that is. Being that my car IS a Rolling Rock. But I will not entertain them with a reply. Now, an astute viewer might see another resemblence in this cryptic number. Take a pair of hand-cuffs. That's right, open them up halfway and put them side to side. What number do they appear to make? "33" You see, it is an omen. No question. This was the best car the force ever had...
All in all? The car has been really bad to me, even though I love it more than anything in the world. So let that be a lesson to you, always hurt the ones you love...