Beavis and Butt-Head Interview

Subject: Beavis and Butt-Head Rolling Stone Interview
Beavis and Butt-Head on What's Cool and What Sucks
[By Charles M. Young, Rolling Stone, August 19, 1993]
CY: Charles M. Young
BH: Butt-Head
B : Beavis

CY:
You're selling more posters than "Jurassic Park." You're getting all-time high ratings on MTV. What does your success say about the current culture of American teenagers?
BH:
Huh-huh, huh-huh.
B :
He said "suck." Huh-huh, huh-huh.
BH:
Huh-huh. Uh...could you repeat the question?
CY:
What I'm getting at is, there's a whole new group of kids in junior high now, and your success -
BH:
Huh-huh. He said it again.
B :
Yeah. Huh-huh, huh-huh.
CY:
Let me put it another way. Just this morning I watched a psychologist on TV talk about the horrible effect that heavy metal has on kids. Do you ever consider the influence you're having on today's youth?
BH:
Uh...uh...well, I like to burn stuff, but that doesn't mean -
B :
I like it when stuff blows up and knocks people over. Huh-huh.
BH: [Smacks Beavis on the head]
Shut up, Beavis. I was saying something. Huh-huh. Uh...what was I saying?
CY:
Your influence on today's youth.
BH:
What's today?
CY:
Tuesday.
BH:
Oh, yeah. What was I saying?
CY:
Your effect on young people. You said you liked to burn stuff.
BH:
Whoa! You must have one of those pornographic memories! Huh-huh. Uh...I like to burn stuff, but that doesn't mean *you* have to. Huh-huh, huh-huh. It would be cool if you did, though.
B :
Yeah. Huh-huh. Fire! Fire! Fire!
CY:
So what's the coolest thing you've ever burned?
BH:
Uh...Beavis's eyebrows. Huh-huh.
B :
Yeah, that was pretty cool. Huh-huh. It smelled cool, too.
CY:
Why was that so cool?
BH:
It was, like, unexpectant? We were torching a June bug with a can of Lysol and a lighter, and it ended up burning Beavis's face. Huh-huh, huh-huh. It was like a bonus.
B :
Huh-huh. I burned my bonus.
CY:
Well, let me ask you this: Do you guys find anything funny that isn't scatological?
BH:
Uh...sure. Lots of stuff. Like, uh, butts are funny.
CY:
Anything besides butts?
B :
Farts are funny. Because they come out of your butt. Huh-huh.
BH:
Did you know any time anyone is born, they come out right next to a butt? Huh-huh.
B :
Yeah. Even the president of the Unites States.
CY:
So what's your point?
BH:
Well, uh...that's pretty cool. Huh-huh, huh-huh.
CY:
What do you think of the disclaimer MTV sometimes runs before your show?
BH:
It's cool.
CY:
Do you know what I'm talking about?
BH:
Uh...no. Huh-huh.
CY:
Those words MTV runs before the show warning people about you.
B :
Words suck.
BH:
Yeah. If I wanted to read, I'd go to school.
B :
So, like, what do they say?
CY:
They say you're crude, self-destructive and anti-social, but for some reason you make them laugh.
BH:
Cool! Huh-huh.
B :
Yeah. MTV's cool.
CY:
Even though the censors in their standards department won't let you say certain words?
BH:
Yeah. MTV's cool - for a bunch of wussies. Huh-huh, huh-huh.
B :
We can say "ass wipe."
BH:
Not very often.
B :
We can say "asshole."
BH:
No we can't, Beavis.
B :
Are you calling me a liar?
BH:
No I'm calling you a waste of bum wipe.
B :
We can say "butthole." Butthole! Butthole! Butthole!
BH:
Shut up! MTV will fire you!
B :
Fire! Fire! Fire!
BH:
Settle down, Beavis!
CY:
You seem to watch a lot of TV. Do you think television depicts an accurate view of the world?
BH:
Uh...like, are you really with the Rolling Stones?
CY:
I'm with "Rolling Stone," the magazine.
BH:
So, uh, do you get lots of chicks?
B :
Hey, Butt-Head, when chicks find out we know someone with the Stones, we'll get some helmet. Huh-huh, huh-huh.
CY:
I'm with the magazine "Rolling Stone." I'm a writer, not a musician.
B :
Wuss.
BH:
So you don't get any chicks?
CY:
Not like Mick Jagger.
B :
Mick Jagger's not a chick.
BH:
He didn't say he was a chick, Beavis. He said he doesn't *get* chicks.
B :
He said he doesn't get chicks like Mick Jagger.
BH:
That's right. Not like Mick Jagger.
B :
But Mick Jagger's not a chick.
BH:
Don't make me kick your ass again, Beavis.
B :
You know who looks like a chick? Huh-huh. Vince Neil.
BH:
Yeah. Huh-huh. And Dave Mustaine.
B :
Yeah. That's why he wears glasses. So he doesn't look too much like a girl. Huh-huh, huh-huh.
CY:
What do glasses have to do with masculinity?
BH:
You know what you should do to, like, get chicks? Since you're a wuss? Huh-huh, huh-huh.
CY:
What?
BH:
You should get some binoculars and stand outside this apartment building we know and look in the windows. Huh-huh.
CY:
How would that help me get chicks?
BH:
Sometimes you can see 'em naked. Huh-hu, huh-huh.
B :
Yeah. Huh-huh. Or you could go to Bible camp and hug chicks when they find Jesus.
BH:
That would be cool. Huh-huh. "Give us this day our morning wood." Huh-huh, huh-huh.
CY:
What kind of music do you like?
BH:
Uh...uh...all different kinds.
B :
Yeah. Like *loud* music.
BH:
Yeah. And music that *rocks*! Huh-huh.
B :
Music that kicks *ass*! Huh-huh. And fire music! Fire! Fire!
CY:
What's fire music?
B :
Oh, sorry, I was thinking about videos.
BH:
I also like music that's about stuff. Huh-huh.
B :
Yeah. Like that rap song about that guy who likes big butts.
BH:
Yeah. That one speaks to me. Huh-huh, huh-huh.
CY:
The rumor is, you guys have the same father.
BH:
Uh...we're not sure. It's possible. Huh-huh.
B :
Yeah. Huh-huh. He used to come around a lot.
CY:
Are the two of you friends with anyone besides each other?
B :
We're not friends.
BH:
Beavis has a special friend. Huh-huh.
B :
Yeah. Huh-huh.
BH:
Sometimes he shakes hands with Little Beavis.
B :
Yeah. [Pathetic attempt at Pakistani accent] "Hello, Meester Monkey." Huh-huh, huh-huh.
BH:
Huh-huh. That was cool.
CY:
Well, you two sound pretty friendly.
BH:
We just do lots of stuff together. Huh-huh.
B :
Just cool stuff.
BH:
Yeah. I like stuff that's cool.
CY:
Well, there must be a lot of cool stuff to do, because as far as I can tell, you two spend every moment of your life together.
BH:
That's 'cause Beavis follows me around.
B :
*You* follow *me* around.
BH:
Only when I'm gonna kick your ass.
B :
When you're gonna *lick* my ass?
BH:
Shut up, booger wipe!
B :
Peckerwood!
CY:
Hey, break it up! Butt-Head, I have a question for you. I noticed that you often say, "I like stuff that's cool." But isn't that circular logic? I mean, what is the definition of "cool," other than an adjective denoting something the speaker likes?
BH:
Huh-huh. Uh, did you, like, go to college?
CY:
You don't have to go to college to know the definition of "redundant." What I'm saying is that essentially what you're saying is "I like stuff that I like."
B :
Yeah. Huh-huh. Me, too.
BH:
Also, I don't like stuff that sucks, either.
CY:
But nobody likes stuff that sucks!
BH:
Then why does so much stuff suck?
B :
Yeah. College boy! Huh-huh, huh-huh.
BH:
Huh-huh, huh-huh. Uh, I have a question for you.
CY:
Go ahead.
BH:
Pull my finger.
CY:
That's not a question.
BH:
Huh-huh. Uh...would you please pull my finger?
CY:
Oh, all right.
[Butt-Head farts loudly.]
BH:
Huh-huh, huh-huh. That's cool.
B :
I taught him that joke. Huh-huh.
BH:
I taught *you* that joke, bunghole!
B :
But I taught you the part about where you fart.
BH:
Oh, right, you did. Huh-huh, huh-huh. That's my favorite part.
CY:
I have just a couple more things I'd like to cover.
BH:
Huh-huh. He said "things."
B :
He said "couple." Huh-huh, huh-huh.
CY:
When I was your age, the big event that formed the values of my entire generation was the Vietnam War.
BH:
Yeah. Huh-huh. Rambo was cool!
CY:
So I was wondering if there was some similar experience, some unifying event, that has affected your life.
BH:
Uh...well, once we bought this bullwhip at Stucky's? And we went around looking for stuff to whip. But like we couldn't find anything. No frogs or lizards or nothing.
B :
We tried a bag of charcoal, but it wasn't alive.
BH:
We found this big old grasshopper in the middle of the road. It was really big. It was like a freak grasshopper. Huh-huh. We whipped it and whipped it.
B :
Yeah, yeah. And then I kicked it. Huh-huh.
BH:
We slapped it around like a red-headed stepchild. Huh-huh, huh-huh. And then it looked like it was dead 'cause it hadn't moved in like an hour? And then all of a sudden these little white worms started crawling out of its butt, one by one. Huh-huh, huh-huh.
B :
Yeah. They looked like long-grain rice. It's like they were trapped inside this grasshopper, and we came along and set 'em free.
BH:
Huh-huh. Uh...they crawled out of its *butt*!
CY:
You're comparing the Vietnam War to worms crawling out of a grasshopper's butt? How could that affect your life?
BH:
Well, uh...if that hadn't happened, we would have had to, like, do something else.
CY:
Well, I suppose it's pointless to ask this, but-
BH:
Huh-huh. You said "butt."
CY:
What advice do you have for America's youth?
B :
Uh...sometimes at the arcade? If you rub your feet on the ground and touch the coin slot, it makes a spark and you get a free game. Huh-huh.
BH:
Huh-huh. Uh...I got one. Like if you go to school and, like, study and stuff? And grow up and get a job at a company and, like, get promoted? You have to go there and do stuff that sucks for the rest of your life.
B :
Yeah. You'll be trapped, just like those worms in that grasshopper's butt. Huh-huh, huh-huh. And then people will whip you, and you'll come crawling out and -
BH:
Shut up, Beavis! Huh-huh. But what I was saying is, if you act like us and just do stuff that's cool? Like sit around and watch TV and burn stuff?
B :
And choke your chicken. Huh-huh-huh.
BH:
Yeah. Huh-huh. And choke your chicken. Then, ROLLING STONE magazine will come and kiss your butt!
CY:
Huh-huh. You said "come."
B :
Yeah. Huh-huh, huh-huh.
Beavis & Butt-Head:
Huh-huh, huh-huh. Huh-huh, huh-huh. Huh-huh, huh-huh. Huh-huh, huh-huh.
BH:
That was cool!

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