This page is not finished yet (obviously, the 3rd movie isn't even out until December 17th),
So don't expect to see the entire trilogy translated out here until after that,
but at least I got The Two Towers done before the release of The Return of the King.

Note: some things here are in the books and not the movies,
Some are in the movies and not the books, and
I may or may not have made up portions of it myself, as well.

I am always open to suggestions/comments/additions/corrections.
Contact info is on my homepage.

The Lord of the Rings
Written all in haiku by:
J.T. and A.L.

(Those are initials.
Their full names are Jeff Tompkins
And Andy Lebrun.)

----------------------

The legend begins:
Rings of power created
The world is deceived

Three Rings for the Elves,
Seven Rings for the Dwarf-lords,
Nine for Mortal Men,



One for the Dark Lord
Sitting on his darkened throne
In Mordor's shadows.



One Ring to rule all,
One Ring to find all others,
One Ring to bring them

In darkness it binds.
In the dark Land of Mordor
Where the shadows lie.

All Sauron's forces
Attack across Middle Earth
Victory was near



Men and Elves unite
Destroy Sauron and rejoice
Isildur keeps Ring

Many years have passed.
The One Ring is forgotten
By all but Sauron.

Always and ever,
The Ring is sought by the Eye,
Drawn to its power.

The creature Gollum
Becomes tainted by the ring,
Calls it "my Precious."

Five hundred years pass.
The Ring abandons Gollum,
Gets found by Bilbo.

Bilbo takes the Ring,
Wins it in a riddle game.
"What's in my pocket?"

----------------------

(First episode is,
"The Fellowship of the Ring."
Two more are to come.)



Sixty years later,
Gandalf returns to Shire as
Disturber of Peace.

Gandalf is so tall
He always hits his head on
The hobbits' ceilings.

Bilbo feels thin, like
Butter scraped o'er too much bread.
Needs a holiday.

Eleventy-first
Birthday for Bilbo Baggins.
He hosts a party.

He tells Troll story.
The kid's reaction is fake.
She's not scared at all.



Merry and Pippin
Set off some huge fireworks.
One looks like dragon.

Bilbo says, "I Don't
Know half of you half as well
As I should like, and

I like less than half
Of you half as well as you
Deserve." Confusing?

He puts on the Ring
And disappears out of sight!
Thought it was clever.

"Conjure cheap tricks? No!
I'm not trying to rob you,
But just to help you."

Bilbo passes on
The Ring to Frodo Baggins
But wants to keep it.

Bilbo wants to write
A book about his travels.
Off to Rivendell!

They torture Gollum,
Get two words: Shire, and Baggins.
Nazgul head for Shire.

Gandalf reads some books,
Finds out that it is The One,
Hurries to the shire.

Gandalf asks Frodo,
"Is it secret? Is it safe?"
"In this envelope."

Gandalf tells Frodo
The importance of the Ring
Frodo is in shock.

Sam eavesdrops, gets caught.
"Meet me at Prancing Pony"
Says Gandalf the Gray

Sam and Frodo leave,
Gandalf rides to Isengard
To see Saruman

Walking through the corn,
Sam says, "I have never been
This far from my home."

Saruman the Wise
Wants to join sides with Sauron
Sorcerers battle!

Merry and Pippin
Crash into Sam and Frodo.
They are in trouble.

From Farmer Maggot
They stole various produce.
He has a sickle.

While running away,
Frodo hears the Black Riders.
"Get off the road! Quick!"

Searching for cover,
They hide under some tree roots.
Nazgul smells their fear.



The four Hobbits flee.
"We can cross the Brandywine.
There is a ferry."

All but Frodo board
He has lagged behind the group.
Leaps onto ferry.

Once inside the Inn,
Pippin asks Merry, "What's that?"
"Why that is a pint!"

"They come in pints?!" he
Yelled enthusiastically.
Then, "I'm getting one."

Merry talks too much.
He let out Frodo's secret.
Underhill panics.

Runs to shut him up,
But falls on his ass instead.
The Ring falls to him.



Strider (Aragorn)
Saw everything that happened.
He becomes their guide.

They’ve had their breakfast.
Pippin wants second breakfast.
Aragorn says no.

Saruman says hi
To Sauron through Palantir.
Big army ordered.

Hobbits need a rest.
They make camp on Weathertop,
The Nazgul find them.

Aragorn fights back,
One of the Nine stabs Frodo
With a Morgul blade.

Gandalf sends a moth.
Meanwhile, Saruman breeds orcs,
Creates Uruk-Hai.

Arwen, elf, shows up,
Catches Aragorn off guard.
Came to help Frodo.



“Ride hard. Don’t look back.”
All nine Nazgul chase the two.
Elrond heals Frodo.

Rivendell’s beauty
Is in all of the details,
The work of the elves.

Frodo meets Bilbo.
Bilbo wrote "A Hobbit’s Tale,"
About his journeys.

The Ring cannot stay.
Elves cannot hold back Mordor
And Isengard, too.

So who to turn to?
They must put their faith in Men.
Too bad Men are weak.

The Shards of Narsil
Is a good name for a band
.
That blade killed Sauron.

Arwen, Aragorn
Get all mushy and kissy.
Elf chose a mortal!

Council of Elrond.
Some from all races gather
To talk together.

Boromir, he thinks
That it’s a gift to Gondor.
“Gondor needs no king.”



“We cannot wield it.”
Everyone there agrees that
It must be destroyed.

“What do we wait for!?”
Gimli tries to smash the Ring,
But it breaks his axe.

Damn, can’t do it here.
Must be taken to Mount Doom
And cast into fire.

Frodo will take it,
Though he does not know the way.
Brave little hobbit!

Eight others join him:
The Fellowship of the Ring
Good name for a book?



Gandalf joined him first,
Then Aragorn, Legolas,
Gimli, Boromir.

Sam, he joined up, too.
Though he wasn’t invited.
Merry, Pippin too.

Pippin rules self out
By saying stupid things, like,
“Where are we going?”

Bilbo hands down Sting
And a coat of Mithril, too.
Flips out at the Ring



Boromir teaches
Merry and Pippin how to
Fight with their small swords.

Then Gimli speaks up,
Says they’re going the long way.
Why not Moria?

Spies fly in from South.
Birds, not just a whiff of cloud.
Spies of Saruman.

The path to the South
Is watched, so they must take the
Pass of Caradhras.

Frodo slips and falls.
Boromir picks up the ring
And stares at it hard.

“It is a strange fate
That we should suffer so much
Over this, so small.”



He did give it back
As Aragorn told him to.
Hand can come off sword.

Spies tell Saruman
Where the Fellowship is now.
Cue the avalanche.

Which way will we go?
Boromir: Gap of Rohan.
Gimli: Moria.

Frodo: Moria.
Gandalf knows what Dwarves awoke.
That’s foreshadowing.

Walls of Moria –
The door is telling them to
Speak friend and enter.



Gandalf tries to crack
But Frodo sees the riddle:
Speak “FRIEND” and enter!

Gimli sings praises.
“This is no mine…It’s a tomb!”
Pond thing drags Frodo.

There is a battle
Between Fellowship and Thing.
There are no winners.

Thing does not get food,
And they’re trapped in Moria
Only one choice now.

Try to be quiet,
Hope that they go unnoticed.
Door 1, 2, or 3?

Frodo sees Gollum,
Tells Gandalf of what he saw.
He knew already.

Bilbo should have killed
That nasty little creature.
Pity he didn’t.

Gandalf disagrees
And waxes philosophic
About dealing death.

“All we have to do
Is decide what to do with
The time we’re given.”



Now he remembered?
“When in doubt, follow your nose.”
…To Gimli’s King’s tomb.

“Drums, drums in the deep.
The Shadow moves in the dark.
We cannot get out.”

Pippin makes some noise,
Drops some armor down a well.
Gandalf is pissed off!

“They have a cave troll.”
Legolas and Aragorn
Start with arrow shots.

The battle begins.
Things are looking good for them,
Then the cave troll comes.

It's a mighty foe.
They keep beating at the thing,
With little effect.

Frodo tries to hide,
But the troll can smell his fear.
Frodo gets impaled.



Legolas kills it
By shooting an arrow up
Into its big mouth.

Frodo is alive!
The mithril coat saved his life.
Full of surprises.

They get swarmed by orcs,
But then the orcs run away,
Running from balrog.

Gandalf knows this thing.
“This foe is beyond you all.”
They run for the bridge.

The stairs have a gap.
“Nobody tosses a dwarf!”
Rocks fall for their good.

That balrog is huge!
Everyone crosses the bridge
Except for Gandalf.



He stays on the bridge
In order to protect them.
Shouts, “YOU SHALL NOT PASS!”

Bridge breaks, balrog falls,
But it brings Gandalf with it.
Could he survive that?

Moment of silence?
No, go to Lothlorien.
No time to mourn him.

Beautiful is the
City of Lothlorien,
It’s oh so curvy.

They’re hearing voices.
It’s Galadriel using
Her telepathy.

Boromir does not
See the hope Galadriel
Was telling him of.

Frodo is led down
By the Lady of the Wood
To the mirror-pool.



He saw destruction
And the ruin of the Shire.
This, if the quest fails.

She’s offered the Ring,
And goes ballistic on him.
Claims she will be Queen!

Uruk-Hai prepare.
They do not know pain or fear.
They aim for halflings.

Now for a boat trip.
The Fellowship rows away
While orcs run on land.

Legolas senses
That there is danger near here.
“Where has Frodo gone?”

He wandered alone,
But Boromir sought him out,
In search of the Ring.

He asks only the
Strength to defend his people.
Maybe just lend it?

Frodo must use it
To get away from the thief.
He’s in a dark world.



On top of the hill,
He sees Barad-dur, the Eye.
Will Aragorn steal?

No, he is too good.
He stands up to orc attack,
Tells Frodo to run.

Nice action scene here.
The others help protect him
As Frodo runs off.

The Horn of Gondor
Has been blown by Boromir,
But it brought his death.

The Uruk-hai chief
Had shot him multiple times,
And yet he fought on.



Was valor in vain?
They took Merry and Pippin.
But he kept honor.

Aragorn comforts
Him, saying he has done well,
Made up for theft try.

Boromir is dead.
Send his body down river.
Surprise, Faramir!

His dying words were,
"I would have followed you, my
Brother, captain, king."

Frodo rows away,
But Sam wades in after him,
Though he cannot swim.

"I made a promise.
'Don't you leave him, Sam Gamgee.'
And I don't mean to."

And so they part ways.
The Fellowship is split up,
But it has not failed.

Three go to hunt orc,
Two go to finish the quest.
The End -- Wait one year.



----------------------

The Two Towers


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